On May 9 2016, I published the first blog post here, in which I asked a question – that question was “You are here because…?”
I had been studying with NextStage for about 6 months at that point. When I wrote it, I suggested that “Because is not an easy thing to answer or understand. You may be exploring the Because for a long time to come.”
When I wrote that post, my life I was still heavily shaken up with the personal events that had led me to NextStage. In the blog post I had attempted to answer that main question myself, and I wrote – “My personal motivation behind the commitment that I’ve made is simply that I wish to make a difference in other people’s lives.”
That wasn’t it.
I’m sure when I wrote that, it made perfect sense to me. It’s what I thought my teachers would want to hear, and heck it was what I wanted to hear – it’s what I wanted to believe. I was lying to myself. The truth is, that selfless motivation was secondary (if not tertiary) and I wasn’t ready to reveal my real reasons to the world or even myself.
That wish to make a difference in other people’s lives seems very selfless, but my biggest reasons for joining The Practice were actually completely selfish. In an upcoming post, I’ll share some of what I’ve learned so far from my teachers about balance, and specifically the balance between selfless and selfish.
I was out of balance.
My primary reason to pursue The Practice was that I wanted to establish some kind of contact with my recently passed Mother. I did not want to lose her, and wanted real communication. The Practice can enable that in the right circumstances.
That was for no one other than myself.
That was for no one other than myself. There is no benefit to mankind, or any other person at all – other than myself.
Secondly, after I had a small glimpse of the possibilities of The Practice, I wanted “super powers” – I wanted to be able to do and know things that most people could not. Who wouldn’t? See the future, know what is going on miles away (or thousands of miles away), heal the sick, communicate without saying a word, use the Force to lift an X-wing out of a swamp – the possibilities seemed (and are) endless.
I realize there are people that will assume I’m a bit unhinged on both counts, but the truth is that neither of them are unrealistic. The point though is that both reasons were selfish. Maybe in the course of things I could use my X-wing-lifting power to help people, but all told I simply wanted to avoid experiencing loss, prove I was better than other people, and make my own life easier.
As I mentioned earlier about balance, being selfish is important for many reasons, and it’s also critically important to balance selfishness with selflessness. I am now entering my second year of training in The Practice, and it has been made abundantly clear to me that true personal success and real personal power will come from finding balance, not from selfishness alone.
This brings me back to the original question from what seems like so long ago to me – You are here because…? There is no longer anything difficult to understand about the “because”. My “exploring for a long time to come” was about a year.
I am here to become a better version of myself.
I am here to learn to live in balance – both selfishly and selflessly. I am here to become a better version of myself. When I am in balance, I am at peace.
When I am at peace, I can do anything.
And by the way, last May when I wrote “Because is not an easy thing to answer or understand. You may be exploring the Because for a long time to come” – please don’t let my limitations be yours. You may have figured your “Because” out ages ago.
