“Everything most people are thinking is reflected by their body, and they don’t know it”. That’s a line taken from a description of a training course available here at NextStage called Know What People Are Thinking. Joseph and Susan offered this training as part of their previous company, and I took it a few years ago, long before I (consciously) entered The Practice. It was and is designed to help you recognize things like body language, behavioral cues, changes in voice etc., interpret those things to understand people’s thought processes and motivations, then respond appropriately.
When I took this course, I was hoping it would help accelerate my career (it did!) and improve my personal relationships (it did that too!). I first became aware of this training when it was recommended to me by my boss at the time, as she had taken it herself and found it valuable.
It was not on the top of my mind that I wanted to become a better person – I admit I was intrigued by the idea of having an advantage over others, having more information than other people had – particularly in a business context. The TV show “The Mentalist” was popular at the time, and the whole idea appealed to my ego – so I jumped at the opportunity when I was offered a private training.
Little did I know at the time, this was my first lesson in The Practice.
This training was not easy for me. It was not some feel-good-about-yourself session where you pay someone to be your temporary cheerleader (many other business trainings I’ve experienced have been). That may have been what I was expecting, but it’s not what I needed and it’s not what I received. I learned what the course description said I would learn – to recognize a variety of signals that most humans who live in Western society give off nonconsciously, then to interpret the thoughts and feelings those signals reflect, and then respond accordingly.
In addition to the course objectives, I received a teaching in awareness and focus. I had to learn to really focus my attention on other people so that I could pick up those signals and bring them into my awareness – and that took real mental effort. As a result I think I’ve discovered why most people avoid focusing on anything for any length of time – for me it’s very difficult.
Try focusing on someone else for 30 seconds – it’s probably wise to get their permission first – or at least be subtle about it! As you focus on them, in your mind catalog everything you notice – their hand movements, their pupil size, their posture, the way the hold something, how they position their legs, the tilt of their neck… their breathing…everything. All of those nonconscious cues reflect that person’s thoughts and feelings in that moment – and if you’d like to know what these things mean then I suggest taking the course!
For me, that kind of focus is hard work – serious mental effort. If there’s one thing I’ve learned as a student of NextStage (and there are many things I’ve learned), nothing of any value in life will come without work – and anything that comes without work probably has little value.
Why do the work? Because it can accelerate your career (it did mine) and improve your personal relationships (ditto!). I learned to understand other people in deeper ways. I became more successful because I had more information available to me.
It gave me the power to make better decisions.
With some instruction and some practice, it does get a little easier. Like going to the gym and working out, at first it made me quite sore. Now it’s a little less so, and eventually I believe it will become automatic.
So how does reading body language relate to The Practice? Firstly, the same principles of awareness and focus can be applied to one’s own self – we often call this “onion peeling”. Apply that same focus to your own nonconscious behaviors and bring them into your awareness – what are your hands doing as you read this, how are you holding your legs, is your head tilted to one side or another? Training in The Practice can help you recognize your own cues, and because you live inside your own body, that can expand beyond physical cues into emotional reactions, behavioral responses, ingrained patterns of thought and far more.
Once you recognize these cues within yourself, you can use your awareness of them to peel back your own onion layers, then use what you learn to make better decisions and become a more authentic You.
And within You is the power to make oceans.
Wow, Dan. Just Wow! Great post, much learning.
I’m glad you stayed with it and that its value is becoming known to you.
Thanks for teaching me, as well. Remember, every relationship, every interaction affects all involved. There are no “one-way streets” in the trainings. “The first communication must be instructions on how to build a receiver.” – Joseph