The Great Becoming

I am the protagonist in my life story, and much like with the hero or heroine in any story, there are many struggles along the path to enlightenment, fulfillment and self-actualization.  The Great Becoming is a term used to describe the struggles people on this path endure as they prepare to become better versions of themselves.  It is uncomfortable at times, doubt will creep in, boredom will set in… it can be painful emotionally and physically.  Lately for me, discomfort, doubt, and pain have been common place at a time in my life where my spiritual work has never been more fruitful.  The opportunities to grow have never been more visible.  So why am I struggling so much lately?

I spoke with Joseph about this and explained that my moments of growth and improved “vision” are sometimes overshadowed by the growing pains themselves.  For example, I am becoming much more aware of the fact that I will react – or overreact – with anger in certain situations.  In a way, it’s a habit because I relied on anger as a child to get me through many tough situations.  I know I can address this behavior that is no longer needed with a 4-point algorithm taught to me by Joseph.  So I have a plan, however with each bad habit I become aware of (I promise I only have like 1, maybe 2), I get to also see where it came from and who in my life may have contributed to it, and the subsequent emotional baggage is heavy.  How many people have I hurt because of this habit or behavior I was unaware of?  How many opportunities have I missed out on because I reacted in anger and pushed people away?  Sure, I now have the wherewithal to correct the behavior but all of the baggage that comes with that knowledge isn’t sweet.

The Great Becoming is just like that… you learn something about yourself that you want to change, or some buried negative memory comes to the surface needing to be addressed.  Then, for better or for worse, all of the people, places, and things attached to this “deficiency” are brought forward in your mind.  It’s an amazing feeling to finally become aware of a deficiency that was right under my nose the whole time (sarcasm, if that wasn’t clear)!  When I initially began to think of who in my life had a hand in the creation of this bad habit, my feelings were a mixture of sadness, shame, anger, and frustration (amongst other emotions).  Most of my bad habits have come from a parental figure or as a result of their actions, so of course, “it’s complicated,” and there can be quite a bit of anger and resentment hidden away.  Then I think of how I may have impacted others with this bad habit.  In the passed this might have been an ex, or a friend, but is almost always my wife or children now.  My family may be a significant motivating factor for me, but feelings of guilt are also prevalent as I think of the times my anger was misdirected and my family was collateral damage.  I am not talking about abuse; I’m talking about my children watching me get angry at something that doesn’t warrant it and later on mimicking that behavior until it becomes habit for them.  There is a big responsibility to not spread the poison that was passed to me, but it’s difficult when that’s all you know.

I set out to change my bad habit using the 4-point or 4-step algorithm that I mentioned above.  First, I recognized that there is a bad habit or deficiency that needs addressing.  In this case, it was my reactive anger.  Second, I recognized it as it is happening.  So, as I am getting angry at a road-rager endangering everyone around them with their aggressive driving, I say to myself, “this is what I want to change.”  Third, I consciously catch it before it happens.  Typically, I use another level of awareness to view the emotion as objectively as possible, center and lower my energy, and poof, it’s much easier to deal with.  The fourth and final step occurs when I subconsciously catch myself before it happens.  This happens automatically.  At that point, I may not even remember the habit, but I guarantee someone else will.  More than likely it will be someone close to me, and it is important for me to be as patient with them as possible if they need to talk about it or vent, or for my children, exhibit the behavior.  For my kids, patiently correcting them is one of the most important things I must do, because in order to earn their trust, I need to be real and I can’t help them if they don’t trust me.  And how can they trust me if I flip out at them when all they are doing is repeating behaviors they witnessed me conducting.

The above process describes a form of the Great Becoming but leaves out the struggle.  Here is the difficult part.  Like an addict, when I’ve dropped a bad habit (it can be an addictive substance), there are “withdrawals.”  With the psychic, physical, and/or emotional pain that comes with withdrawals, there is also doubt.  Doubt in the process, which sometimes comes in the form of boredom or a “what’s the point?” attitude.  There can be doubt in my ability to see it through, though at this point in my journey it doesn’t deter me but it may hold me up or make things more difficult.  The bottom line is that now I know, if I put one foot in front of the other, that I’ll make it through better.  Using the analogy of the addict, I may not notice the positive effects until after the withdrawals have worn off.

One way I am able to see the positive effects of dropping a harmful or bad habit is to listen and watch the world around me as it gets calmer and quieter.  The Universe is no longer screaming at me to get my attention or influence me to do the right thing.  I am listening, so that I don’t need to pull my hamstring or get into a car accident or have a Crohn’s flare up or lose my job or family to learn the lesson the Universe is trying to teach me in less than subtle ways.  I am telling the Universe with my actions that I don’t need to keep relearning the same lesson.  Steps 2 and 3 may be painful as my onion layers are peeled back to expose even more issues that need addressing but on the other side of all of this, once I’ve passed step 4, life is better.  And depending on the lesson learned, the work put in, and what the habit was, life can be significantly better.  It is for me.  That is the Great Becoming as experienced by me over the past month or so.