I Am Not Lost

For about a year now, I’ve been studying the Practice under the tutelage of Joseph.  That was the agreement, if we were going to do this, it would have to be at least a year. And almost a year to the day from when I officially started (technically 11 months), I have discovered my path, my gift.  I didn’t realize this discovery would be a rebirth, but that’s exactly what it feels like.

For months, there were signs, all of which are painfully obvious after discovering my gift (from what I hear, that is common). Some of these signs came in the form of what are now obvious hints, for example, Joseph recommending a representative quote that states very bluntly, “I am not lost.” Other signs came in the form of animals, like Vulture, who opens the way for life, while being shunned. The signs for me were everywhere: in what I read, what I watched, in my daily interactions with co-workers and family.

Looking back, I can see how I was involuntarily using my gift since I was a child. I think my first response to discovering my gift during a Skype session one Saturday morning, was, “Wait a minute, not everyone does this?” One of the goals of the exercises in the Practice is for you to use your gifts voluntarily and to discover them on your own. The gifts or talents are always there, waiting to be recognized, developed, and used.  A good Teacher will lead you to that door. Western society does not do a very good job of helping the development of people who have non-physical gifts. There are classes for the mental and physical, and therapy for the emotional, but spiritual teachings often come in the form of religious lectures. Within religion there are a set of rules and guidelines that you must follow, and not a lot of wiggle room for individuality or interpretation. That was a major obstacle for me, because I grew up trying to please, caring about what people think, especially my parents and grandparents. I didn’t want to be a disappointment. The same goes for those who have non-physical ailments.  Every sickness is treated as either a mind issue (chemical balance) or a physical body issue (like my Crohn’s disease, which is now in remission with no medication).

In a more motivated post of my mine, I spoke about how a Teacher knows how to ask the right questions, leading you to a door that you have to open. The journey to that door is one of self-healing and self-discovery, and not only does it take work, but you can’t take short cuts. I had to say the name of my gift… I had to say what my gift was before Joseph would affirm. I had to make the connection in my mind for it to be real. And once I did, it felt like new skin, like I had shed my skin, which isn’t a surprise given my connection to Lizard.

Leading up to me discovering my gift, the Universe seemed to be conspiring to help me along the way. Even going so far as to bring a piece of artwork into my life for days on end, where I saw a futuristic version of my gift (so obvious). And only a few short weeks into knowing and believing that I am a Finder, a Pathfinder, I am exercising and training to use it more freely while assisting others. Using it is like falling into a subtle trance, activating a part of my mind, using a sense that has been forgotten, and it feels familiar and like home. It feels safe because I’m not scared to be who I am supposed to be, even if I haven’t yet fully let go of who I was.