Life Off the Mountaintop, Part 2

The Holidays, that glorious time of the year when families and friends get together and compete for who can be the most obnoxious or who can hold their tongue the longest. Not a Hallmark moment to be sure. It can be a very trying time for all. And here you are wanting to impart upon them the new wisdom you’ve been learning. You want to talk about the Expanded Awareness you’ve developed. Share the excitement about all these new things and tools you’ve learned that are making your life better. And imagine the surprise when your family/friends aren’t interested. Joseph and I celebrate the Winter Solstice, not Christmas. I’ve learned that my family doesn’t want to hear about our reasons for this, so instead we have two celebrations. One private, just Joseph, me, our pets and whatever Old Ones wander through our yard on the Winter Solstice and one with family at Christmas. This is true for most of the recognized Holidays that are celebrated.

Picking your battles
With The Practice you learn to pick your battles. Where do I want to expend my energy? In my house during the Holidays I’ve learned that it’s best to hold my tongue. My mother will go to great lengths to maintain the status quo. In these situations I’ve learned that she is happiest where she is, so is the rest of my family. She and they don’t want to change. Most importantly I’ve learned that for now I’m not my family’s teacher. That’s a major lesson for me. I’m not responsible for their lives. They’re happy in the life they’ve created for themselves and if I talk about my life, what I do and what I’ve learned it upsets them too much and the pain it might cause isn’t worth it. So instead I offer gentle advice when asked and send them peace instead of getting angry at them.

Do what’s right for you
Perhaps your family will be different. In that case share with them the tools you’ve learned. Tell them about the expanded awareness you’ve found, how it’s helped you in dealing with things. Holiday’s don’t need to be battle grounds. Life is too short to keep butting heads with people and rehashing the same pain points. In an extreme situation you may need to decide if getting to together with them is actually worth it. If it’s putting you through too much pain, perhaps consider doing something different for the holidays. Go away to a B&B, see the northern lights from a glacier. Take care of yourself. Your health, both mental and physical are the most important thing.

Important lessons
Another important lesson you may learn is that the path you’re heading down isn’t for everyone. And most painfully, not for your family and friends. The tools you learn down this path will help you cope in these situations. Focus on the positive. You’re all getting together, let old issues role off. I have a “Stupid File” I’ve created in my mind where I put things my family says or does. I’ll often tell Joseph that something that someone says or does “Is one more for the Stupid file”. Create your own file, it’s amazing how quickly this file gets large. It helps me cope with the things I can’t control. That’s another important lesson. There are things you can and cannot control. You can only control what you say and do, how you react to things. You can’t control what or how others hear things, nor how they are going to react to things. Take a moment during these times to think about what you say and do. Is it worth it?

And Have a Happy Holiday…whatever you choose to celebrate.
Next up…Other examples of using The Practice in everyday life.