It’s been about a year since I first began training with Joseph and Susan. A lot has happened, and I’ve blogged about only a few of those things. As I write this, I’m on an airplane headed towards my fourth in-person training, so it seemed like a good time to look back at some of the lessons and learning I’ve received so far.
My first big “a ha!” – pay attention.
The beginning was scary for me. I had lost all sense of control over what was happening in my life, I didn’t know where to turn in a moment of personal crisis, and the Universe provided Joseph and Susan. The experience of that personal crisis caused me to question my career, my motivations, and what I’m here to do, and the Universe answered me.
The difficult part isn’t getting an answer, it’s to pay attention to the answer. When I ask something, I generally get a very clear answer, but I also tend to fall back into old habits and old patterns. And truth be told, paying attention is a lot of work. It requires focus, and in the reality I’ve crafted for myself, with constant distractions both external and internal, I have been very easily choosing not to focus.
This is important, and it’s taken a year to sink in. I need to pay attention. When I ask for guidance, I clearly and unambiguously get that guidance. That information deserves and requires my attention, focus and appreciation.
It also requires my trust.
Trust is hard for me. Trusting myself, trusting others, trusting clear and obvious signs from the Universe, it’s all difficult for me.
I’ve discovered through peeling back of a few layers of my personal onion, that I don’t trust much, not even myself. The analyst in me likes to look for as many data points as possible to support a decision. This results in ‘analysis paralysis’, and getting stuck always wanting “just one more” data point to support a decision.
My reasoning has been that with enough conclusive data points, I can make the right decision as safely and correctly as possible – and all that the analyst in me wants is to be right. Being right means I don’t have to take responsibility for being wrong.
For me, my lack of trust is wrapped up in fear of taking responsibility.
I have also perceived responsibility as high risk – when I’m wrong then I’ve failed, and something horrible will happen – or at least, that’s how I’ve seen the world. In fact, I’ve been quite adept at avoiding responsibility most of my life in order to avoid that horrible…something.
Because of that perceived risk, I’ve only taken responsibility when I’m 100% sure I cannot be wrong, or at least that no one can challenge me – hence always wanting more data to ensure my correctness. Sounds safe right? Never be wrong and life is grand!
Unfortunately that’s not how life has actually worked out.
Rewards come from risk and not taking responsibility has meant I’ve avoided even the slightest risk, Playing it “safe” has given me a comfortable life, but not a truly successful one. I’ve never had a truly momentous and positive impact on the world or anyone around me because doing so would involve the chance that I might be wrong and have…something horrible happen to me.
Here’s the rub though, when I have trusted myself, and committed to a decision regardless of the consequences, it has always worked out in my favor.
The reality is that the Universe is telling me what I need to do, constantly. When I pay attention to that information, and trust myself to have gotten the message clearly, the decisions have always been correct. This is a lesson of the Solitaire meditation, knowing how to know, and then trusting that you know.
It’s when I don’t pay attention to the information, when I don’t trust the information or myself, that’s when I will enter into analysis-paralysis and not make any decision at all.
And when I trust myself, what happens when I do make a mistake? What about that something…horrible? Generally I’ve suffered a bit of self-inflicted embarrassment. Sometimes the consequences have been more severe, but as Joseph often says – we can reach again.
Realizing this is freeing me. Realizing this has been part of my training, and thanks to my teachers here at NextStage.
People need to remember that we learn from mistakes, not from being correct and not from being afraid to make mistakes.
I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence, I can reach for; perfection is God’s business. – Michael J. Fox
Perfection can only exist in isolation. – Michael Conley in The Celestial Steam Locomotive
You know you’ve achieved perfection in design, not when you have nothing more to add, but when you have nothing more to take away. – Antoine de Saint-Exupery, Wind, Sand and Stars
Good job in realizing this. It’s OK to make mistakes. As Joseph says we learn from them. We grow from them. Also we must be careful in that if we are constantly asking people, and the Universe, for answers and they give them to us and we don’t pay attention then chances are they stop giving answers. They need to shout at us to get our attention. It starts a cycle of us not paying attention, shouting for answers, not knowing when one is given. The answers being shouted at us and so on and so on.