Aside from family gatherings, one of the most difficult places to practice is at work. It may help to think of the people at work as an extended family and treat them the same way I described in the last post. You may end up with a large cabinet of “Stupid Files”, or you can turn it around and use it as an excellent place to learn…especially patience.
Building bigger and bigger files can take up a lot of mental space. It may be fun on occasion to review the items in the Stupid Files, but after a while they can take up too much room. Do a mind smudge and cleanse your mind of all of that clutter. You can either do a meditation to remove the clutter or do it when you have a quiet moment. I like to pick the times I’m stuck in traffic, usually every day. I let my mind wander and sure enough something from the Stupid Files rears its head. Instead of refiling it I do a mental smudge. I set it on fire in my mind and let the ashes drift off. I thank the memory and let it go. Sometimes there’s a residual part of it that stays. This usually means I’m not quite ready to fully let go of the incident and that’s OK too. That will be for another day, another traffic jam.
Learning from co-workers
As I said above, one of the ways to deal with your co-workers is to treat them like family. Politely nod at what they say, smile and go back to your cube or office wondering what they do with the unused portion of their brain cells. Or you can use The Practice to learn about yourself. How come I react the way I do around them or to what they say? What triggers are they hitting? This can provide lots of stuff you can decide later if you want to work on to get rid of that energy in your life. Work on those buttons they’re pushing. It’ can also be a great time to decide if you really want to be around those people. Or are they someone you should avoid. Avoiding people that only bring doom and gloom, you know the types, can be very healthy and beneficial to your own health. If you can’t avoid these people you’ll need to develop or find tools for dealing with them.
The office can also be a time to learn from others on how they handle certain people and situations. We all have co-workers who think that their crisis is unique or the end all be all. Their life is horrid and the world’s going to end for them. Well…guess what, in several billion years they’ll be right and the world will end, and until that day life goes on. A valuable lesson is to decide what’s important and what isn’t. What’s worth my time and energy and what’s not going to be important in an hour. Most things aren’t going to be important in an hour. And if it is, I’ll reevaluate it then.
Next up…More examples of using The Practice in everyday life, Gift giving.
As always, one of the most powerful teachers I know. Susan’s ability to make the Practice practical always impresses me.
Great post, thank you for sharing it and the entire series. My biggest problem at work is not really with co-workers, but more so just being incredibly busy and getting pulled in a hundred directions at once. I try to get out and walk to recenter myself when I can, but do you have any other tips for integrating Practice into a very busy day?
The way I deal with this, because it’s happened to me before, is to make a list of the hundreds of things everyone thinks I need to do, the directions you’re pulled in, then prioritize them. Then break each one down into smaller tasks. Often I’m overwhelmed by the enormity of the events as a whole and when I see them broken down into manageable pieces it’s not so bad. The key here is that others are pulling you in a hundred different directions. Do all of these directions you’re being pulled in fall under your responsibility? If not put it back on their shoulders or delegate. Don’t feel like you need to do everything by yourself. If you give them the impression that you’re a Superman and get everything done by yourself they’ll just keep throwing things at you with more and more unrealistic deadlines.
The other way to handle things is to use the “chain of command”. If you have someone you report to throw it back on their shoulders to prioritize the things you’re told need to get done. Ask for when a specific tasks needs to be done and what resources they have that can help you. Basically you’re allowing yourself to be pulled off center and the first step is to stop this from happening. Remember that you are responsible for how you react to a situation, no one “makes you say or do anything”. We choose how we react to a situation. Using the practice, you get better at how you choose to react to situations. Catch your reactions to situations earlier and earlier in the cycle and eventually you’ll catch it as it’s happening and you can look the people in the eye and say “That’s a great idea. How are you going to help me to do this?”
I have an issue at work where I am in the middle of two departments who inherently don’t get along. It’s a combination of personalities of the Department Chiefs and a certain function that is performed involving both departments. I was put in charge of that function, while my main role resides in one of those two departments. Remaining objective and fair is important to me, however because my main job resides within one of those two departments, it’s difficult to remain unbiased. So I err on the side of compassion. I have to do some serious managing of my boss, while also listening and understanding both sides. I never looked at my rides home as a time for meditation and “Mental Smudging” but I think that is important, especially with young kids at home who need me at my best. For too long I would try to fight my thoughts, instead of just accepting them and letting them go. Thank you for this post, it’s a great reinforcer and I can’t wait to focus on Mental Smudging in traffic rather than getting annoyed at selfish drivers.
Have you tried going to your boss and explaining the situation and that the two departments and their Chiefs not getting along is preventing you from doing your job to the best of your ability? Suggest some team building exercises between the two departments to help build a rapport. Our sister company, NextStage Evolution offers trainings along these lines.
Erring on the side of compassion is great and can be exhausting. Being the peace maker/keeper all the time can take its toll on someone. You can’t be the go between all the time. It’s not your job to manage your boss. One of my favorite quotes is “Sometimes you just need to let the fool be slapped” (our Principle #33) meaning that sometimes it’s best to step back and let things happen without interfering. The fur may fly as they say, and in the end, when the dust settles new relationships that are more realistic will be formed. What would happen if you were out? Would nothing get done because these two can’t get along? You can’t always be the peace keeper. Your mental health is more important. Mind Smudging is great and at some point there might be too much to get through before you get home and the residual carries over into your home life. Not a good situation.
In the meantime, I’m glad you like my Mental Smudging idea. Let me know how it works out…I have some extra smudge sticks if you need them.
You’re absolutely right. I’m always trying to save the world, but in this situation, it may be best to do as you say and take a step back without interfering…I’ll let you know how it goes. Thanks!
FWIW, One of the techniques I use is levels of awareness. I let one level of awareness interact with the activities immediately in front of me. I simultaneously keep another level of awareness active that monitors the first level. Does Level 1 notice Level 0 getting tense, bored, angry, … basically anything other than positively interacting? Then signal Level 0 there’s danger ahead and change course (what I’m doing or how I’m doing it).
This helps me remain cool, calm and patient.
And just to keep myself honest, sometimes i forget.
Great idea, another tool for the tool box, and something for all of us to learn and practice!
Ahhh, levels of awareness. What a great blog post idea (unless you already have one)?