Why does it sometimes feel like I take 2 steps forward and 1.5 steps back? Why can’t I just take my 2 steps forward and be done with an issue? I have learned and I am continuing to learn the unique and contradictory nature of all that we are, with a set of bodies (emotional, spiritual, physical, and intellectual) that often have competing demands. This is what being out of balance is about. I can rationalize my way through an issue just to have my emotional body step in and make a mess again, eliciting a physical response in the form of shortened breaths or an increased pulse. This is an example of why it takes hard work and a prolonged conscious effort to heal and balance the 4 bodies.
I often allow myself to be pulled off center by the actions of people around me. Specifically people who like to take out their anger on others or who try to justify their negative actions. But my reactions to these people and their behavior has often been an overreaction in the past, and that is something that I am learning more about and will continue to learn from and write about here.
The world of the internet provides the perfect venue for people to vent anonymously. Dark personas (read Trolls) are common place, easy to create/destroy, but not always easy to spot. It’s like finding a teacher: it’s hard to sift through and spot the one who is right for you. Plus there are those who could benefit from more learning before setting out on the path of a Teacher. Some are just trying to make money and will push you to buy this or that. Others barely value their own service enough to expect anything from their students in return, attracting students who do not value their own time enough to value another’s. I have gone through a multitude of teachers before finally settling on the Practice. It’s what works for me, and just because it works for me, doesn’t mean it has to work for everyone. In fact, it is encouraged by my Teachers to continue seeking knowledge from others, be they guides, totems, etc or other people.
This is easy to understand, right? Live and let live.
Be who you want to be. Do what thou wilt, as long as you aren’t causing harm. The bottom line is, we are all teachers and students, whether we volunteer for those labels or not, that’s a fact of life. For most people the goal is health and happiness. What I have a hard time understanding – maybe tolerating is a better word for it, because the motivation is irrelevant – is people who like to play pretend games on the internet in order to disparage others. For example, I read a comment on the internet about Shamanism in particular and what it is to be a “real” Shaman. The comment’s author claimed to be an indigenous person who could spot a “real” Shaman based solely on what they charge for services rendered (with no apparent knowledge of the ancient tradition of giving gifts to the Shaman). I might trust this person’s opinion more if they said they were an anthropologist in the field studying the Tungusic people (though Trolls rarely expend time or energy to back up their claims). I’d probably give even more weight to this person’s opinion had they not given themselves the label “aboriginal” or any kind of label in order to justify flawed reasoning.
But I learned something from reading this person’s comments and the subsequent conversation. I learned about myself and about the value of the Practice. I could feel myself being pulled off center and into anger (up and to the left… hehe) but it didn’t happen (2 steps forward 1 step back?!?). What I felt, and feel right now, is love and that this person, who made a baseless claim for no apparent reason except to further a claim on the word “indigenous,” is exactly the kind of person that I want to study with, to learn from and to hopefully have learn from me. This is exactly the kind of person who could benefit from, and provide value to, the love and the hard work required by the Practice.
You taught me something and I thank you.
Sometimes that “Everything everything everything is your teacher” is the hardest lesson.